parenting

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house 

Not a child was sleeping, nor were you and your spouse. 

The presents sat wrapped, beneath the big tree 

While the kids argued, you played referee. 

December felt long, much longer than before

Between presents and baking, it felt like a chore!

Where was the joy, the warmth, and the cheer?!

Do you really have to do this again next year?

You long to go back to a time you barely remember

When life was simple and happy. When was that—September?

Stress, it seems, is all you feel nowadays

And you wonder just how to put the happy back in your holidays.

–Poem by Kayla Runkel

Remember when the holidays were truly the most wonderful time of the year? When lights sparkled brighter, pageants felt magical, and family time filled us with pure joy? 

But somewhere between the crowded department stores and the endless hours spent in the kitchen baking, you’ve lost it…your holiday spirit.

Now — though you barely want to admit it — the holidays feel more overwhelming than joyful.. In fact, you’re trying your best just to get through them this year.

Still, you long for the days when this season was something to be enjoyed. When you spent hours blasting Christmas carols around the house and the sight of twinkling lights put a smile on your face and a spring in your step. 

So what can you do?

If the holidays have you feeling less Ho, Ho, Ho and more Bah Humbug, no need to worry! Here are 6 ways to put the HAPPY back in your holidays this season.

1. Keep Core Routines Rolling

It’s happening once again. Grandma and Grandpa have been here for only two hours, and your children are already bouncing off the walls, loaded up with cookies and candy. 

“It’s the holidays,” you tell yourself. “It’s okay for them to be a bit spoiled.”

You put on a smile and try your best to enjoy their company, but bedtime is fast approaching, and you know the kids won’t go down easy tonight.

“Alright, kids, say goodnight to Grandma and Grandpa.” 

As you expected, you’re met with protest. 

“Ahh, come on,” Grandma says. “Can’t they stay up one extra hour? We’ve missed them so much.”

You’re stuck. You want so badly to say yes–not to be the wet blanket–but you know better than anyone how much your children need their sleep. 

As hard as it may be, stick to your regular lights-out routine. Why? Because having cranky kids is never fun. But cranky kids and cranky parents? Now that’s a recipe for holiday disaster.

In truth, letting routines slip away triggers holiday burnout fast. 

Yes, you want your kids to enjoy their break, but when the structure disappears, you can guarantee chaos and crankiness will take over. 

To keep things simple, let’s set the expectation in advance that your family is going to stick to three core routines: 

• Bedtime
• Technology Time (how much technology time and when they can have it)
• Family Chores. 

That way, you’ll ensure everyone stays reasonably well-rested, your kids won’t spend the entirety of their break on their devices, and they’ll continue their essential work in the family unit while they’re still having fun.

I know how difficult it can be to maintain a normal schedule with holiday gatherings and obligations, which are also pressing for your attention. But trust me, sticking to your regular schedule will ensure a smoother, less chaotic holiday season.

2. Manage Expectations for Giving and Getting

Now, with more action-packed gadgets than ever before! This Christmas won’t be complete without…

The holiday advertising seems endless. You hear the commercial drifting in from the other room — another must-have toy being marketed to your kids. And with each advertisement – on TV, radio, and online – their wish lists grow longer and longer. 

You want to give your kids a Christmas they’ll remember–what parent doesn’t? But you don’t want it to come at the risk of entitlement. The fact of the matter is pretty simple. They are not getting everything they want this year.

But how do you break the news without ruining his Christmas? Or even worse, without inviting a huge temper tantrum?

This is the time to have a serious talk about holiday expectations. Whether you have a family meeting or start a discussion in the car on a holiday road trip, talk openly with your kids about their wish lists and set limits you all can live with.

Managing expectations ahead of time will help make sure your son doesn’t feel let down on Christmas morning. 

Adhere to the four-gift rule to simplify the gifting process: give your child something they want, something they need, something they wear, and something they need. You don’t need to get everything on their wish list. A few meaningful gifts make a far better statement than many gifts with little value.

And let’s get kids just as excited about giving as getting!

This is a great time to have them write a GIVING list that is at least as long as their wish list. What gifts do they plan on giving to friends and family? What gifts can they make themselves instead of buying? Can they give gifts of time? (Think babysitting or a weekly Facetime chat with Grandma!)

As adults, we know it’s better to give than to receive. What better way to drive that lesson home than having your kid write out all the ways he intends to give to others this holiday season?

When kids get excited about giving rather than just getting, they start to understand what the season is truly about!

3. Give the Gift They’ll Remember Forever: YOUR Time!

Whether your kids dream of the latest Barbie dream house or this year’s latest gaming system, one thing’s for sure: the glitz and glam of the hottest toys of the season are always hard for parents to top.

But there is one gift that will surpass all others, no matter what. The gift of YOU! 

If you’ve followed me for a while, you know my secret weapon for better behavior and happier kids is MIND, BODY AND SOUL TIME® connection. And here’s a perfect ≠way to wrap up that magic as a gift: create Memory Coupons for one-on-one experiences with you.

Think movie dates, an ice cream outing, or even a mani-pedi day. These special tickets aren’t just presents – they’re promises of the precious connection your kids crave most — and they put the emphasis on time together over “things.” 

Whatever activities you choose for your gift of time, be sure your undivided time and attention are the #1 priority. 

The beauty of giving your time as a holiday gift is that it is inexpensive, thoughtful, and incredibly fun! What could be better?

Helpful tip: These also make great gifts for siblings and grandparents.

4. Get All Holiday Hands on Deck

Every year, you swear things will be different. Then crunch time hits, and you are down to the wire when you notice something. You are doing absolutely everything. The present shopping, the cookie baking, the card writing–it’s all fallen squarely on your shoulders, just as it does every year.

No wonder the holidays are so stressful.

This year, let’s make the holiday prep an all-in experience–because here’s a newsflash: 

It’s not mom and dad’s job to create the perfect holiday for our kids. 

We dream of creating a picture-perfect holiday, but we run ourselves ragged trying to make that happen. 

Just because you can do everything doesn’t mean you should. Instead, make it a point to share the work with the rest of your family.

So call a family meeting and list everything that has to be done weekly (because, trust me – your kids have no clue all that goes into it!) Then, have everyone sign up for a few jobs. Even if it’s just addressing holiday cards or sealing the envelopes, that’s a job you don’t have to do. 

And for my fellow Type-A parents, this is the time to let go of the need to control things. Yes, you could do it better and faster and make it holiday-perfect, but it’s more important that your kids have skin in the game with the success of the holiday. 

Not only will they see all the effort that goes into making the holiday happen, but they’ll love the feeling of teamwork in creating something special together.

As you discover new ways to work together to make the holiday happen, you’ll create long-lasting, happy holiday memories your kids will treasure for years to come.

5. Dare to Take Short Cuts

You see it every time you hop online–the holiday-themed appetizers, beautifully plated meals, presents wrapped to perfection, and family Christmas portraits with every person donning matching plaid pajamas. 

Yes, it’s hard to get into the holiday spirit when you’re surrounded by nothing but Insta-worthy perfection. 

The thing is, that isn’t what the holidays are about. In fact, it isn’t even real. 

The season is about the spirit and the people you love. So give yourself the gift of grace and stop chasing holiday perfection. You can absolutely make this year the year of shortcuts!

Bake a cake from a box, buy store-bought cookies, and wrap a present in a bag–or, better yet, have them wrap it at the store! 

Remember … every shortcut you take buys you precious time to spend with your kids or even a few minutes for yourself. (How great would that be?

The holidays are not about how everything looks but how it feels to be surrounded by those you love. So, should you find your light being dimmed by the thought of trying to create a picture-perfect holiday, do yourself a favor. Put the camera away and take all the shortcuts you want!

6. Create Holiday Magic By Serving Others

Want to know a surefire way to bring some joy back to your holiday season? Give! 

Give of your time. Give of your talents. Perhaps even give of your money. But most importantly, give as a family. 

Focus away from the commercialization of the season and shine the spotlight on service. Focusing on what we can do as a family to help others helps us keep the hustle and bustle of the season in perspective. 

Serving others in need shouldn’t feel like just one more thing to check off your holiday to-do list because the reward is so much greater than the effort it takes to do so.

Curious about where to start? 

Give of Your Time

Start by calling your local places of worship and shelters and asking where they need help most. Do they need help serving meals at the soup kitchen or wrapping presents for children in need?

Whatever the occasion, pick a day when your whole family is available and go serve together. This will not only provide an excellent chance for you to spend time with your family but serving those less fortunate will also help give your children a healthy appreciation for what they already have.

Give of Your Talents

Do you consider yourself talented in the kitchen? Is your partner handy with a hammer and nails? The holiday season is the perfect time to put your talents to good use.

Maybe your church needs a handyman to help build the Christmas pageant set, or perhaps your local soup kitchen needs an experienced cook to prepare a tasty holiday meal. Whatever the case, finding ways to use your talents to serve is a wonderful way to give back this season.

Give of Your Money

Time can be a precious commodity–especially during the holidays. If you’re looking for a way to serve that fits into your busy schedule, consider giving a monetary gift this season.

You can always give spare change to the bell ringers on your way into the grocery store, or write a check to your favorite charity. But now is your chance to get a little creative and think outside of the box!

Try contacting the guidance counselor at your child’s school and see if there is a student in need. Maybe they are without a winter coat or have some overdue lunch fines they can’t manage. 

If you have the means to give a little extra, this is certainly a great way to serve. It’s also a wonderful opportunity to get your children involved, especially if they have an allowance and want to make a meaningful donation of their own.

Squeeze in Little Acts of Kindness

Research shows that serving others makes people happier, but finding time to take the family to volunteer together can easily add to holiday overwhelm. 

But serving others doesn’t have to be a day-long event. Even if you only have 15 minutes, try squeezing in little acts of kindness that could make a significant difference in someone’s day.

Activities like making cards for military service members, donating items to a local charity, paying it forward at the drive-thru or assembling care packages for delivery drivers are simple ways to make big impacts.

These tiny acts of kindness take no time at all, but they’ll help you keep the holiday hustle in perspective and add more joy and meaning to your celebrations.

Final Thoughts

We’ve all been there–someone wishes us a “happy holiday,” and we respond with a forced smile and simple, “You too.” 

Believe me, I understand how easy it can be to get bogged down in holiday to-do lists. But this time is meant to be enjoyed and treasured, not dreaded.

If happiness has been seriously lacking in your holidays, take heart! Trying out any of these 6 tips for holiday happiness will surely make you feel merry and bright in no time.

From our family to yours, we wish you the HAPPIEST holiday season.

Grandchildren are nature’s reward for surviving your own children. 

If you’ve ever heard that old saying, there’s a good chance it gave you a knowing chuckle. 

Maybe you are a grandparent and understand just how true this is. Or perhaps you’re parenting your own kids, desperately grasping the hope that one day it will all be worth it!

Whether you’re a grandparent yourself or still in the thick of parenting, we can all agree that actively involved grandparents serve a unique role in families. In fact, research shows that 9 out of 10 adults believe their grandparents influenced their values and behaviors.

However, a growing trend threatens to undermine the special role of grandparents – disagreements over parenting styles and choices. 

Roughly 42% of parents admit to limiting the time their children spend with their grandparents when the grandparents don’t follow their preferred parenting approach.

So what’s really at the heart of these family tensions? Is it just a matter of grandparents sneaking an extra cookie to the kids, or is there something deeper causing these generational rifts?

Let’s examine what’s really driving these tensions and how families can bridge the divide without compromising their core values.

Most Common Issues Behind Family Tension

Today’s parents are the most informed parents in history. In this digital age, access to parenting information is more convenient than ever, with resources like parenting blogs, podcasts, online courses, and other online forums a few swift clicks of a keypad away. 

As a result, modern parents are seeking guidance online rather than turning to more traditional sources like their own parents — which can lead the grandparents to feel that their advice and experience aren’t valued. 

Still, we’re also seeing an overwhelming trend in which parents feel their parenting choices are often undermined by the grandparents. 

These clashes are especially prevalent in hot-button areas like screen time, daily routines, discipline, and food choices.

Most families agree that it’s a natural rite of passage for grandparents to spoil their grandkids to some extent — maybe a little extra screen time, staying up past bedtime, more relaxed house rules, and extra sweets before dinner. 

But what happens when screen time limits get pushed to allow PG-13 when only PG movies are permitted? 

When staying up 30 minutes past their bedtime turns into three hours? 

When lax discipline turns to no discipline at all?

When a birthday gift becomes a mountain of toys despite parents’ requests to scale back?

Or when offering extra sweets before dinner turns into disregarding food allergies?

Unfortunately, the line between loving indulgence and undermining parental authority is deeply nuanced and varies from family to family, When grandparents and parents clash over these boundaries, it strains not just their own relationship, but the entire family dynamic–affecting everything from weekly visits to holiday celebrations.

The question is, why?

(Even Snoop Dogg weighed in on this!)

Generational Differences in Parenting Styles

Every generation has its own unique parenting style — shaped by their own experiences and the world around them. 

While the Greatest Generation weathered tough times, passing on a “survive and prosper” attitude to their children, Baby Boomers approached parenting with a stronger desire to give their children a good life, especially when it came to attending college. 

Generation X parents were among the first to abandon authoritarian discipline, widely embracing parenting experts and child development research. Meanwhile, Millennials continued to be the generation to fully embrace a more positive parenting approach.

These generational shifts have reshaped not just parenting philosophies but also core beliefs about childhood. While each generation has aimed to improve upon its own upbringing, the changes have created unexpected tension. 

When today’s parents choose different approaches than their parents used, grandparents often view this as a criticism of their efforts — as if their years of loving sacrifice and careful choices are being dismissed as outdated or inadequate. 

What feels like a personal parenting choice to one generation can feel like a painful rejection to another, leading to that all-too-familiar refrain:

“I know what I’m doing. I raised you, and you turned out alright, didn’t you?”

While that may be true, we know that as time marches on, we learn, grow, and do better. 

Today’s parents aren’t rejecting their parent’s approaches because they were wrong or bad parents (not even a little!) — they are building on their foundation with new strategies and research-based information on child development and emotional well-being to help guide their parenting decisions.

In essence, with new information comes new approaches.

Now that we know the generational roots behind these parent-grandparent clashes, let’s examine the common conflicts we see in families and explore how families can chart a path forward together while honoring both wisdom and progress. 

Grandparents and the Right to Spoil

Have grandparents earned the right to spoil their grandchildren?

The answer is YES … after logging countless parenting hours, grandparents certainly deserve some latitude in their new role. 

But…we have to flip the script on what spoiling is and is not. 

Let’s start with what spoiling is NOT. 

Spoiling is not disregarding the rules and routines that parents have in place, and instead:

• Letting kids stay up way too late
• Allowing food they shouldn’t eat (or ignoring food allergies altogether)
• Ignoring technology limits (too much tech time or no supervision over the sites they are accessing)
• Lavishing them with gifts when the parents have specifically asked you not to. 

These indulgences don’t strengthen the special bond between grandparents and grandchildren–instead, they breed entitlement and undermine parents’ authority. 

When kids learn that rules don’t apply at Grandma’s house, they question those boundaries everywhere. This not only makes parenting harder but also confuses children about expectations and values and erodes the trust between parents and grandparents.

Message to grandparents: You don’t have to break the rules to be the hero in your grandkids’ eyes.

Now, let’s discuss what spoiling SHOULD BE!

“Spoiling” should be about time with you and making memories! 

Your grandchildren want nothing more than your undivided time and attention. In the crazy pace of family life today, what a gift to be the center of another adult’s attention!

Spending time together — playing games, having adventures — is the best way to spoil a grandchild. (Bonus points if you do something fun the parents don’t have time to do themselves.) 

Plus, this is a mutually beneficial relationship because you are helping the parents at the same time!

Grandparents and grandkids benefit from fostering strong emotional bonds that boost their physical and mental well-being. And parents gain invaluable allies in the journey of raising children. 

This kind of support — enriching their grandchildren’s lives while respecting boundaries — doesn’t just strengthen family connections; it helps parents shoulder the daily challenges of parenthood.

So, do grandparents have the right to spoil? 

Absolutely–but the magic lies in how they do it. When quality time and cherished memories become the ultimate indulgence, everybody wins.

Unsolicited Advice and Sharing Wisdom (Without Overstepping)

Grandparents have so much to offer–including both love and wisdom.

But even the most valuable advice needs the right moment. Before sharing their insights, grandparents must show they’re firmly on the same team as their adult children. And above all else, collaboration–not confrontation–should be at the heart of every conversation. 

So how can grandparents do that?

Follow the parents’ lead! Read the same books, take the same parenting courses, and follow the same methodologies. Ask about their preferences for gifts and special treats. Show an interest in their parenting style by attending pediatrician appointments, school PTO meetings, etc., Actions speak louder than words, and these intentional steps indicate that collaboration is at the heart of the relationship.

When parents feel supported and that grandparents are on their team, they will be much more receptive to suggestions.

And when it’s time to actually share advice, grandparents should lead with empathy and curiosity rather than simply telling them what to do.

I remember how hard those long nights were when you were little. What does current research say about sleep training? 

Then, they can follow it up with an offer of support rather than just solutions.

I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time potty training. Is there anything I can do to help?

Parents genuinely appreciate guidance from their own parents, but how that advice is delivered is crucial. Advice tinged with judgment will instantly close down communication and eliminate any willingness to listen or collaborate.

In the end, when grandparents work to understand new ideas, parents work to keep those lines of communication open and flowing.

Finding the Balance: Seasonal Grandparents vs. Year-Round Grandparents

You may wonder… are these hard and fast rules for all grandparents? What about those who don’t get to visit very often?

The dynamics of grandparenting often differ between “Seasonal Grandparents” and “Year-Round Grandparents.” In other words, grandparents who visit occasionally and those who are more actively involved all year.

When visits are infrequent, long-distance grandparents can prioritize joy and connection with their grandkids as long as they adhere to critical routines and the parents’ non-negotiable rules.

With so little time to spend together, time with seasonal grandparents can be jam-packed with fun. If Grandma wants to take them on a trip to the ice cream parlor for breakfast or Grandpa and grandkids enjoy a lucrative stroll through the toy aisle at Target, no harm is done. But lots of joy and memories are being made. 

But, for grandparents who are regularly present in a child’s life, staying aligned with the parents’ regular routines and parenting approaches is essential. 

Following the parents’ established routines isn’t just about rules–it’s about creating a stable, predictable environment for the children. Diverging from established rules undermines parents and teaches kids that rules aren’t really rules. 

And for grandparents who regularly babysit? One thing is for sure: no other caregiver will love your kids as much as a grandparent! But the rules still need to be followed. 

If grandparents resist this, parents can gently remind them of the WHY behind their parenting choices, emphasizing the non-negotiables (like health and safety concerns). 

However, if grandparents consistently disregard these essential boundaries, parents may need to consider alternative childcare arrangements. This is a difficult decision (and one that will cause emotional distress), but the children’s health and well-being must be the priority over convenience. 

Psst! Year-Round Grandparents! Want also to enjoy the same magical memory-making Seasonal Grandparents do? Consider treating your grandkids to a Yes Day! 

Final Thoughts

Grandparents can be a parent’s best resource along the journey of parenthood. 

But one thing is sure: when unity and respect exist in the grandparent-parent-grandchild dynamic, all parties win! 

Grandparents should have some leeway without feeling like they’re being micromanaged. 

Parents should feel as though their boundaries are being respected.

Children should feel loved all around!

The family bond thrives when everyone feels valued, heard, and supported!

Election year is here, and from now until November, politics will infiltrate everything from yard signs and commercials to TikToks and Instagram posts. 

As adults, we may be prepared for the onslaught of electrically charged insults and accusations from both sides–or, at the very least, we’re used to it. 

But we can’t expect our kids to be oblivious to the media blitz. Or, unaffected by it. 

So, when the country is awash with opposing views, how do we talk to our children about politics and set an example of civility–especially when politicians themselves are often the ones acting like kids? 

Read on for answers to commonly asked questions and some helpful DOs and DON’Ts… 

How Much Do We Share or Shield Our Kids From in Politics?

Politics, in its most general sense, is a safe subject to discuss with kids. Imparting the importance of voting for what we believe in is essential for a healthy democracy. 

But what is too much? Where do we draw the line between what our kids should and shouldn’t be politically exposed to? 

To protect kids from confusion and angst surrounding politics, it’s important to follow a few communication ground rules with them. 

1. No Name-Calling or Demonizing the Other Side 

The goal is to teach our kids to have a healthy “tolerance for disagreement”–that is, the ability to engage with people who have a different opinion or worldview from their own without becoming defensive or angry. Adopting this attitude of acceptance will guide them through conflict and disagreements the rest of their lives. 

But with politics so polarizing, it’s commonplace to call the other side “crazy” or “extreme.” But the reality is complicated. And because most kids have family members with different political views, they need to understand that both sides deserve equal consideration and respect.   

Not only is demonizing the other side disrespectful, but it can create stress and even fear in children. They may experience anxiety when parents use hyperboles or ultra-negative expressions about what will happen if an opposing candidate wins, for instance. (i.e. “There’s no hope for America if that happens!” or “I’ll move to a different country if they win the election!“)

Name-calling and disparaging the other side also teaches kids that it’s okay to judge and criticize others–as opposed to listening and considering alternative views. 

2. Don’t Say Anything You Wouldn’t Want Repeated to the Teacher

Remember that kids are like parrots and they will likely repeat what you say! If your comments about politicians or hot-button issues would be inappropriate for your child to repeat to the principal or your neighbor, your language is likely too incendiary to use in their presence.   

While it’s normal to harbor strong political feelings, our kids need to know that no politician is 100% “right” or 100% “wrong.” And again, extreme language helps fuel the idea that one side is to be villainized. 

Regardless of our points of view, if we reinforce the importance of intellectual curiosity and keeping an open mind, our kids will understand that garnering facts and evidence is the best way to make informed decisions.

3. Open Your Mind to Their Open Mind

Analysis tells us that your worldview will likely become your child’s worldview. Pew Research surveyed teens and their families, and in the vast majority of cases, the teens classified themselves as belonging to the same political party as their parents.

It makes sense that young people look to their parents for anchoring in their values, and it’s also natural to hope your child will adopt the same political beliefs you hold dear. 

But, it’s equally important to allow kids room to form their own conclusions. Their convictions, if individually vetted, will be more sincere and strengthen their independence. 

If your child does land on opposing beliefs, you can applaud yourself for raising a child confident enough to make their own choices. (And, if you’ve been encouraging self-made decisions, you know they haven’t reached their opposing conclusions out of rebellion or spite!)

Talking About Politics–Every Age and Stage 

Elementary-Aged Kids

Five to twelve is the perfect age range to talk to kids about the basics of voting and democracy. Their school curriculum is likely already covering the different branches of government and, of course, famous American presidents. 

At this age, your kids probably don’t understand detailed policy issues, so it’s a good time to keep explanations simple. It’s also a great opportunity to point out the character traits you admire in candidates. Phrases like “she’s a good leader” or “he’s good at bringing people together” teach kids that certain traits are more ideal than others. 

The most important message to convey at this time, however, is that it’s perfectly fine for people to support different candidates–in fact, it’s an essential part of what makes our country so strong! Keep in mind that misinformation can run high on the school yard, so ask if your child has heard anything about politics or political issues. Then, turn to news sources designed for kids, like Time for Kids, Scholastic Kids Press Corps, and Nightly News Kids Edition with Lester Holt, to break down the issues in age-appropriate terms (while avoiding issues you may not want them exposed to quite yet.)

Middle School 

Around early adolescence, kids are generally mature enough to start watching debates with you and research candidates’ views via credible news sources.  

Around this time, politics may become a topic of conversation among your child’s peers. If those conversations become heated, it’s helpful to arm your child with a “comeback line” they can use to defuse tension–something like, “It’s cool if we don’t always like the same thing–life would be boring if we didn’t have choices.“ It’s the same type of language that would shut down a bullying taunt, because it refuses to engage. 

It’s also important to teach kids that they don’t have to engage in political debates if they don’t want to. Political opinions are something they have a right to keep private if they choose. After all, isn’t that why we vote privately in a voting booth?

High School   

By the time kids enter high school, they’re getting closer to voting age. Now is the time to keep them engaged in the entirety of the election process. Encourage them to watch debates, monitor polls, and follow candidates from both parties on trusted sources. (Remind them that social media isn’t always a reliable source of news, and to be careful what they share.) 

Most crucially, though, is to empower your kids to think outside party lines and research the issues that matter most to them. It could be the environment, a strong economy, or school safety…but the more passionate they are about the issues, the easier it will be to get them involved and to objectively scrutinize the information surrounding those issues. 

When Parents Are On Different Sides of the Political Aisle

If you and your partner have different political opinions, you are not alone! The great thing for your kids to see is that despite your different political views, you are choosing to be in a relationship with one another. It further affirms the fact that you can love anyone from the other side of the political spectrum. Your marriage/relationship alone proves this point and exemplifies a healthy tolerance for disagreement.

If you are divorced from your child’s other parent, it’s once again important not to demonize any difference in opinion. Respect for, or at least impartiality to their contrasting opinions, is key. 

Above all, we don’t want kids to feel pressure to choose a side. Instead, we want to give kids permission to make up their own minds by encouraging them to learn everything they can about the political platforms. 

There’s a reason the voting age is 18 and not 13, right? Kids don’t have to have it all figured out just yet. Focus on the education process, the power of an informed democracy, and helping them engage in an age-appropriate way. 

YIKES!! When Kids Ask About Political Issues That You Aren’t Comfortable Talking About

Research shows that kids as young as five usually know about current events; but they get a fair amount of the information wrong. In addition, most kids ages 11-12 have a smartphone, so they’re most likely accessing the internet outside your home. 

When your child raises a topic that makes you squirm…it’s important to first

find out what your child already knows about that issue. Ask open-ended questions like “What have you heard about this topic” or “Do you know what that word means?”

Be as factual as possible and keep things age-appropriate. This may mean leaving out certain unnecessary details while maintaining transparency. 

Remember, even though it’s uncomfortable, it’s best that kids learn about issues from you so you can convey accurate information in-line with your family values. The longer we wait to have these conversations, the likelier they’ll hear about politics in a convoluted, misinformed way.  

When Politicians Verbally Attack Each Other (and Blatantly Lie)

Sometimes, it can be downright difficult to find characteristics in politicians we admire. 

We wouldn’t want our kids behaving on the playground the way many candidates typically do: demeaning each other, interrupting, name-calling. 

This goes back to the fact the politicians are never 100% wrong or right. They are imperfect humans. 

These are scenarios we can use to prompt thoughtful questions, like, “How do you feel watching that? How would you feel if you were on the receiving end of that? Does that make you feel differently about this candidate?“

These questions encourage kids to, once again, think for themselves rather than rely on our responses to determine their own beliefs.

We can also reiterate that actions have consequences–sometimes when candidates behave badly, it affects the way people perceive them and can ultimately affect the outcome of the election. (It seems that even the worst modeling by adults can provide helpful teaching moments!)

We can also help kids understand they don’t have to take everything they hear at face value. This can be a hard concept, especially when younger kids take everything literally. 

Most news sites offer a fact-checking analysis after the debates. If you and your kids are skeptical about something, guide them through gathering research from multiple reputable sites so they can determine what is fact versus spin. 

Final Thoughts

There is a lot of political noise out there. But siphoning it down to something intelligible–and informative–for our kiddos is far from an impossible task.

There isn’t a golden script that works for every family, but if you’re balancing accurate information with your family’s values (through open, age-appropriate political discussions), you’re providing ethical guidance without mandating what your kids should believe. It’s a winning combo.

As loving parents, all we can really do is give our kids the confidence and competence to carry our country forward.

In the end, we must remember this is a democracy. Our kids can pick any side. Or no side at all. Or invent a new political party! It’s their choice.

America is their future far more than it is ours. 

SLAM! 

You cringe as the sound of your daughter’s door shakes the entire house. For the third time this week, she’s come home late from school without calling first, and tonight, you decided to confront her about it.

Of course, things didn’t end well…

After a long (and loud) argument, she’s now brooding in her room while you march over to the computer. You’re tired of the constant fighting, disrespect, and door slams. You’ve had enough and are ready to search for help.

So you hop online and type in the only question you can think of:

What’s the best punishment for my child’s disrespect and defiance? 

Oh, dear friend, if you only knew how often that question comes up in my line of work! And I would love to give you a plain and simple, straightforward answer. 

But I can’t.

Because you’re asking the wrong question. 

Whether they’re taking my FREE ONLINE PARENTING CLASS or looking for private coaching support, I’ve noticed something in common among many of the parents first coming to me for help. 

They want to know what punishments will work for their kids’ misbehavior. That’s when I challenge them to shift their mindset–because punishments don’t work.

But–when the proper groundwork has been laid–consequences can be!

First, Can This Be Solved Another Way?

Before we dive into these five tips for effective consequences, I want you first to ask yourself: Can this be solved another way?

Although consequences are necessary from time to time, there are always other parenting tools you can implement beforehand that are more effective.

For example, one of the most powerful tools we teach at Positive Parenting Solutions is what’s known as MIND, BODY AND SOUL TIME® connection. (MBST). This tool, though simple, packs a powerful punch and is one of the most surefire ways to cut down on power struggles and misbehavior.

All you have to do is commit 10-15 minutes each day to playing with your child (one-on-one). That’s right–playing! 

Let them choose the activity, put away all distractions, and pour into them all the positive attention they so desperately crave. Behavior almost magically improves by meeting their need for positive attention and emotional connection. 

Or, if your child is older and playing isn’t their thing, you can still spend time doing something together they enjoy. Perhaps you foster their love of art by signing up for classes at a local pottery studio or practice your photography skills together on a nature walk. 

It’s not important what you do–just that you do something together.

Pro Tip: Did you know we have 37 easy-to-implement parenting tools offered in The 7-Step Parenting Success System? Consequences are one tool — but not your only option.

It’s also important to remember that your child’s good behavior is a collaborative effort. You have to work with them…taking time to train them in the positive behaviors you want to see and work with them on solutions when issues arise.

Your 3-year-old won’t know it’s wrong to color on the walls until you teach her not to and give her alternative outlets for her creative genius, just as your 16-year-old won’t know how to handle saying “no” to peer pressure unless you train him in advance how to get out of difficult situations.

The relationship you have with your child and the behavior you see in your child is a two-way street with plenty of give and take. Ensure they have the proper training and loving support they need first, and see what you get back.

Helpful Hint: Positive Parenting Solutions Members, be sure to check out the Collaborative Problem Solving approach by Dr. Ross Green. You’ll find it in The Explosive Child Expert Series masterclass in the 7-Step Parenting Success System.  

Of course, these are just a few examples of the many tools that can and should be used before consequences. In fact, we offer 37 easy-to-implement parenting tools in The 7-Step Parenting Success System. 

With so many practical resources readily available for parents, the times you’ll need to use consequences should be few and far between.

Now that we’ve covered a few options you can use before consequences, let’s move on to those helpful tips…

Tip #1: Avoid Punishment

If this first tip sounds impossible, I get it. It almost feels second nature for parents to jump to punishments when their kid acts out of line.

But, many parents misunderstand that punishments are NOT the same as consequences. 

So what’s the difference?

Dr. Jane Nelsen–the mother of Positive Discipline–explained it best when she described punishment as anything that causes a child to feel blame, shame, or pain.

For instance, it may feel like your only option is to give your son a swift spank on the bottom after hitting his sister. But, in reality, it does little to change his future behavior. He may stop in the moment, but you can bet he will hit her again–especially if he struggles with impulse control.

It also doesn’t make much sense, especially for young kids.

They think, If Mom and Dad don’t want me to hit, then why are they hitting me?

Punishments that cause your child to be embarrassed or humiliated–like yelling at them in front of their friends–aren’t helpful, either. In fact, they’re more likely to drive a wedge in your relationship and lead your child to lie in the future rather than make a genuine behavior shift.

Punishments rely on using negative feelings to end a negative behavior, which simply doesn’t work. However, consequences used correctly will empower your child to make the right choices the next time around. 

Tip #2: Always Give a Warning in Advance

Your kids have some exceptional abilities, but mind-reading isn’t one of them.

Your toddler knows to stay away from the hot stove because you told him it’s hot. 

Your older child knows to look both ways before crossing the street because you’ve spent years training her to do so safely.

As parents, it’s no secret our kids are impulsive and typically act long before they think (especially when they’re little). But it’s also our job to make sure they’re fully aware and prepared for the less-than-desirable outcomes of their actions. 

When it comes to figuring out effective consequences for your child, unless you give them a little grace and advanced warning (before they mess up), the consequences will be entirely ineffective because they’ll feel like punishment. 

Kids need to know the possible consequences of their actions before they have the opportunity to make a mistake, so they have every chance to make a positive decision.

So what does this sound like, exactly? 

**Friendly note: Mistakes happen, and kids deserve grace. We should only issue these warnings to our kids based on repeated patterns. 

I’m glad you asked! Here are a couple of examples:

Samantha, you are growing up in so many ways, and you are mature enough now to remember to take what you need for gym class. So, I will no longer be driving your forgotten sneakers or gym clothes to school in the future. If you forget your sneakers on gym days, you’ll have to miss out on enjoying gym time with the rest of the class. What systems or reminders would you like to put in place to help you remember on your own?

Marcus, I noticed you used your iPad during our family’s tech-free hours. If you choose to sneak more tech time, you will lose your iPad privileges for the next three days. Is there anything you want to do to help you remember our tech rules? Or is there a system you want to put in place so you know how much time you have left?

Then, have them repeat the expectation and the possible consequence back to you so they’re crystal clear on what will happen. When your kids know the consequences before you have to use them, the ball is now in their court. They are responsible for what happens next–not you!

Not only is this incredibly freeing to you–the parent–but it also hands over a certain amount of power and control to your child (which they love!). 

And don’t forget to make sure they are set up for success — with systems or reminders that they create — and let them know you have confidence they’ll be able to make the right decision independently.

You won’t believe how empowering that can be!

Tip #3: Seek Natural Consequences First

If you want the cream of the crop of consequences, Natural Consequences are the way to go. So seek those first! 

Natural Consequences occur without any parental involvement, as opposed to Logical Consequences, where you have a stake in the game. 

Let’s say your 6th grader left his math homework on his desk at home. He knew the assignment was due the following day but forgot to put it in his backpack before heading out the door.

He’d already been warned in advance (as described in Step 2 of the course) that it was his responsibility to make sure his assignments made it to school with him. You’ve had this conversation many times before. He knows the consequences.

So, when he ultimately realizes that he left his homework on his desk–and understands it’s his job to remember it–he’ll know the consequence falls squarely on his shoulders. He’ll have to take the dock in the grade that comes with a late assignment. 

No parent wants to be the bad guy. With Natural Consequences, life gets to be the big teacher! 

And in the future, he’ll likely be much more adamant about remembering his jersey. No reminding from you required!

How amazing is that?!

And once the natural consequence has played out, you can step in and offer your assistance. Calmly (and without an I-told-you-so attitude), ask how he can tweak his routine to ensure the same problem doesn’t happen again.

Helpful Hint: Make sure the consequence is reasonable in its severity or duration. 

For example, your daughter insists on walking to the bus stop in shorts in February. That’s an excellent opportunity for a natural consequence! But a 3-hour winter Girl Scout hike? Nope-the consequences are too dangerous. 

Instead, you might simply tell her you’ll give her a ride when she’s dressed appropriately-and alert her to the fact that if she’s late, she may miss the hike altogether.

The same goes for a consequence that might seriously inconvenience another person. In cases like these, consequences may not be the right tool — you’ll want to use another of the 36 tools in our Toolbox.

Unfortunately, it’s not always feasible to find a Natural Consequence for every misbehavior. That’s when you’ll move on to a Logical one. 

Tip #4: Choose Consequences that Fit the Misbehavior

While Natural Consequences are more effective than Logical Consequences because they let life be the teacher, sometimes they’re simply not an option. That’s when we, as parents, must take on the unpleasant task of engineering the consequences ourselves.

However, Logical Consequences can be tricky because they have to be just that–logical! Which isn’t always the easiest to figure out, especially in the pinch of the moment.

Still, I cannot stress this enough: Logical Consequences must be related to your child’s misbehavior. 

If there’s no relation, I promise you, they’ll be useless in the long run. They’ll only make your child angry at you and won’t prompt them to learn from their mistakes. 

Of course, determining a Logical Consequence is much easier said than done. . .

That’s because we all get hung up on our child’s “currency.” You know, that thing they love so much that it’s our go-to item to take away for any and all misbehavior (whether it’s related or not).

You might have taken away your son’s video game privileges because he refused to mow the lawn or canceled your daughter’s playdates because she slapped her little sister.

More often than not, we use whatever has the most leverage to gain control over our child. 

While this may appear to work in the short term–like your son giving in and mowing the lawn–you’re guaranteeing an increase in power struggles down the line. 

They may even decide that their “currency” isn’t all that valuable after all and would rather be stubborn and fight back.

Simply put, when the consequence isn’t directly related to the actual behavior choice, nothing is learned.

So what does an effective Logical Consequence look like?

I’m glad you asked…

Let’s say your 12-year-old received a brand-new drum set for Christmas. For years she’s been begging to learn to play, and you finally feel like she’s old enough to be responsible with them.

The gift comes with only one stipulation–no playing between 8 PM and 8 AM. 

You warn her in advance that the consequence of breaking this rule will mean losing her drum privileges for three days. The consequence is reasonable and related, and you have her repeat it back to you so she’s clear. You also brainstorm with her ways of reminding herself to be done by 8:00, and she decides to set a recurring alarm on her watch.

She should be able to manage that, right?

Wrong. 

After about a week of putting away her drumsticks by 8 PM, she pushes the limit and shows no signs of stopping, even at 8:15. It’s time to follow through with the consequence you set up. And as much as you’d like to let life be the big teacher here, you know that job is all yours.

In a calm voice, you enter the room and say, “I see you chose to lose your drum-playing privileges by ignoring the playing hours you agreed to. You’ll need to put your drumsticks away until Thursday. But this is a learning opportunity, and I have confidence you’ll be able to follow the rules for quiet time in the future.”  

Naturally, she protests. But in the end, she knows it was her actions alone that led to the unwanted consequence–and you can bet she’ll keep a better eye on the time starting Thursday.

As with Natural Consequences, you’ll want to make sure Logical Consequences are reasonable in severity and duration. You’ll be more likely to follow through when they are something you can live with.

Tip #5: Make it a Teachable Moment

As parents, we love teachable moments, don’t we?

There’s nothing quite like seeing an important lesson finally sink into our kids’ brains. It’s just so satisfying!

But we must remember that we shouldn’t use consequences so haphazardly that our child learns nothing from the experience. 

Because our ultimate goal isn’t to end misbehavior…

Uh, say what now, Amy?

Our ultimate goal is to find and use strategies that will be most helpful to our child while continuing to foster a strong parent-child connection.

Do we want our kids to behave better? Absolutely!

But it’s far more important to ensure that every consequence creates a ripple effect in their lives. It’s to make sure the lessons learned are important enough to stick around for future reference. 

When you’re processing what happened with your child, just be sure to avoid the “I told you so.”

“I know it will be hard for you without your screen time privileges, and you’re frustrated. But you can learn from this! I have confidence you’ll be able to follow the rules next time.”

As I said before, consequences should be used sparingly. There are often other, more effective strategies to try first.

And should you find your head reeling, wondering just how you’ll lay off the consequences? Don’t worry because teachable moments aren’t just for our kids. 

Sometimes, we’re the ones who need to learn the lesson. 

Final Thoughts

At some point, every parent has struggled with understanding how to hand out consequences appropriately. And should you find yourself deep in the consequence trenches, know there is no better time to get a handle on things than right now.

These five tips are a fantastic starting point to get you heading in the right direction but know that there are many more resources to help you end your child’s misbehavior. 

With both practice and intention, I promise you’ll be a consequence master in no time!

No kid acts perfectly at school 100% of the time. Not one. 

So let’s ditch the labels. No more “good kids,” “bad kids,” “troublemakers,” or “bullies.” There’s no need to categorize a child’s behavior.

Why? Because there are a million variables at play, every school year, every day. 

Still, a call from the principal bearing news of behavior problems is concerning. A teacher expressing her frustrations at a parent-teacher conference is upsetting. And seeing the results of a tough day of school on a child’s face is absolutely heartbreaking.

School is a place where kids are learning far more than academics. They’re learning to be respectful, decent schoolmates in a shared environment. Along that path, they’re bound to stumble.

But whether it’s a one-off event or routine trouble, it’s how we handle a child’s school misbehavior that impacts that child’s self-worth and prompts less–or further–misbehavior. That’s why it’s so important to tailor our words and actions towards misbehavior appropriately and strategically.

And, ideally, by getting parents and teachers on the same page.

When school misbehavior occurs, here’s where to start: 

Stay Calm, Empathize, and Find the Root Cause 

When notified about behavior issues at school, some parents understandably jump into defensive mode. You know how great your kids are, and it’s your job to protect them. Any misbehavior at school must be justifiable. 

Did something in the classroom prompt this disruption? 

Is the teacher overreacting? 

Did some other kid start it, and my kid took the fall? 

Other parents might automatically lay full responsibility on their kids, believing there is zero excuse for misbehavior. 

However, the best approach is to gather all the facts before making any assumptions. 

While listening to your child’s side of the story, encourage them to express their feelings and concerns. Assure them you will listen without judgment or blame. 

By using a calm voice and demeanor during this process, your kids will feel more comfortable opening up to you. And, by empathizing with your child’s perspective–even if you disagree with their actions–you will keep them from becoming defensive and further disengaging from the conversation…and possibly the truth. 

Your goal right now is to find the root cause of the misbehavior without creating a power struggle. That’s it.

Finding the source (or sources, as there may be multiple contributing factors) proactively addresses the problem, as opposed to retroactively managing the symptoms. 

Root causes can be surface-level. But, they can also stem from deep, unmet needs. 

Psychologist and author of The Explosive Child, Dr. Ross Greene, states, “Kids do well when they can.” So, if a child is struggling, there is always an underlying reason for that struggle and or misbehavior.  

Pro Tip: For Positive Parenting Solutions members, watch or review our Expert Series: The Explosive Child. 

For example, when talking and listening to your child, keep in mind the following pertinent questions: 

• How is her sense of belonging and significance in the CLASSROOM? 
• Does he need more positive power in the classroom? 
• Does she feel discouraged? 
• Is the teacher understanding and supportive?
• Are there other personalities in the class that clash with hers?
• Has he been labeled as a “troublemaker?” 
• Does he struggle with impulse control? 
• Are there attention or learning differences?

If any of these questions can be answered with a “yes,” then it’s possible you’ve found your root cause. Or, one of the contributing causes.

So, what’s next?

Pro Tip: For Positive Parenting Solutions Members, please reference our Expert Series: Keeping Our Kids Safe from Bullying 

Communicate and Collaborate with the Teacher and School

Just like you will listen calmly and without judgment to your student, do your best to listen to a teacher or administrator with care and attention when they notify you of misbehavior. Again, gather all the information you can and avoid rushing to any unfounded conclusions. 

If necessary, request an adults-only meeting with the teacher or school counselor to gain a better understanding of the problem. This might help all parties avoid any miscommunication that can commonly arise from emails or text messages. 

During the conference, ask what the teacher needs–or doesn’t need–from you. 

With all the information at hand, it’s now time to work as a team. Through open and honest communication with teachers and school staff, you can develop a two-pronged plan for addressing the misbehavior. This includes both sides setting clear expectations for and from one another. It also means remaining open to the school’s guidance and recommendations for addressing the issue. 

This is also a good time to talk about what you are doing at home to encourage the best possible behavior in your child.  

Your child’s teacher may or may not be familiar with the techniques you use to proactively help your child. If you’ve already been successful with certain positive parenting strategies at home, now is the time to share which work best with your child. 

Let the teacher know these are not reactive strategies; like applying a band-aid after misbehavior occurs. These are the positive parenting tools you use to continually provide a strong sense of belonging and significance, making your child less inclined to act out.

If you’re new to positive parenting techniques, now is the time for you–and the school–to put a few of the strategies to effective use.

To get started with a supercharged approach…

Reinforce Positive Behavior (the Right Way!)

Kids who struggle to meet behavioral expectations are constantly being corrected and redirected. They continually hear their names called out in class and their actions scolded. At home, they may hear similar reprimands. 

Soon, they begin to believe they are actually “bad” kids. And, guess what? Their behavior worsens.  

One way to upend this negative cycle is to celebrate and encourage a child’s positive behavior. Kids should hear at least as much positive reinforcement as the admonishments they receive–if not far more! 

My mentor in positive parenting, Vivian Brault, used this analogy: 

Imagine telling your prized rose bushes, “I’ll start giving you fertilizer after you give me the kinds of blooms I know you’re capable of.” 

Now, switch it to parenting. “If my kids start behaving well, then I’ll give them encouragement.” 

It becomes clear, now, that this retroactive approach is doomed to fail. Positive reinforcement and encouragement must come first. 

You aren’t rewarding your child for their successes. Not with candy, money, or even praise. 

Encouragement is far better; it verbally reinforces the positive behavior your child displays and makes them feel good about themselves. If we’re focusing on how they’re making us feel or offering an external reward as gratification, they’re going to miss the true satisfaction of self-accomplishment. 

Notice the difference, for example, between the following phrases:

“I heard from the teacher that you’ve been talking less in class. That makes me really happy!”

Or…

“Your teacher mentioned that you’ve been working really hard on paying attention and listening to instructions. She even said it’s been helping other kids in the class focus too. You must feel so proud of how far you’ve come! 

See how the focus is on how our kid must be feeling? We don’t want to condition our kids to make us, or others, feel proud or pleased. We want them to want to succeed for themselves. That’s the kind of motivation that doesn’t rely on others and the kind that lasts. 

Encouraging phrases (which focus on effort and improvement) and praise (which focuses on a successful outcome) often become unintentionally intermixed. Many teachers already understand the power of encouragement versus praise, but others may be less familiar.  

I realize it might feel counterintuitive to encourage a child who is misbehaving. But this child is already feeling disheartened enough. 

That’s why positive behavior, on any scale, should be intentionally highlighted–with zest! 

Set Clear Expectations at Home Without Consequences

A common reaction to a child getting in trouble at school is the urge to discipline them at home. Because, don’t they need to learn how serious this is? 

I understand your concern about your child’s classroom behavior, but, please…do not issue consequences at home for misbehavior that happens at school. 

When a child misbehaves at school by pulling someone’s hair, yelling at the teacher, or escaping a classroom like she’s running for freedom, that behavior must be handled when and where it occurs. Trust that your child’s teacher has handled the situation at school according to the school’s protocol.

Applying consequences at home would only further the child’s discouragement and reinforce feelings of insignificance and resentment. 

Your job at home is to show empathy–because getting in trouble was probably upsetting and embarrassing for your child–and then focus on communication and training. Help your child process what happened and discuss alternative ways he could have handled the situation. Use role play to practice how he could do or say something differently if a similar situation happens again.

Be a Positive Role Model

When considering expectations, nothing’s better than when we demonstrate the behaviors and values we wish to instill in our children. Our kids are always learning by our example!

Ensure that your home environment is nurturing and supportive. Make it a sanctuary where your child feels safe, loved, and respected. 

That doesn’t mean there won’t be arguments or hard days. Nothing is perfect! Sometimes, parents yell at their kids (and each other!) and realize they have overreacted. Other days siblings are at each other’s necks, hurling hateful words, and wondering how to put each other up for adoption.

Even if families have disagreements or frustrations with one another, modeling an “I’m sorry” when we’ve done or said something we regret teaches kids we should all be accountable for our actions. 

When kids can transfer these attitudes, actions, and feelings to school, misbehavior is destined to plummet. 

Teach Kids Ways to Manage Classroom Struggles 

It’s our role to show kids how to handle conflicts and frustrations in a respectful and responsible manner. 

This starts by not overreacting and laying blame when we hear about misbehavior and extends to basic problem-solving skills. 

You don’t have to wait for real-time situations to train kids on conflict resolution at home. You can always co-implement two Positive Parenting Solutions® tools: Take Time for Training and Role-Play. 

These tools help guide children through sample conflicts bound to occur one day–or situations that have already posed a problem–with peers and authority figures. 

Maybe your daughter is struggling to sit still in her classroom when she’s supposed to be working on independent tasks. At home one evening, you ask if you can play the teacher while she plays herself in a desk chair. 

You start “teaching” a lesson, but your daughter gets up and starts running around. You say, “Hey, Carla, I know you’re getting antsy. Instead of running around the classroom, would you like to stand next to your desk and try 15 jumping jacks? 

I’ll tell you what–if you do it quietly, without disrupting any other kids, I’ll let you do that anytime you feel like you have to move!” 

Here comes the really fun part. YOU can now play the wiggly kiddo while your child plays the teacher! Likely, she’ll repeat much of what you said, and the lesson will be doubly memorable. 

This is the Role-Play tool, and it’s a fun, non-confrontational way to rehearse real-world problem-solving! And with the Role-Play tool, you are taking time to train your child what to do next time!

If you come up with a great solution or two during this practice, be sure to share it with the teacher!

Stay Calm and Carry On

Changes in school misbehavior may not happen overnight. It might be necessary to keep track of your child’s behavior and any improvements or setbacks by staying in communication with teachers and school staff.

But keep in mind during this process not to project your anxiety onto your kids, either. We often pick up kids who’ve been struggling in school and ask with nervous anticipation, “How was your day?? Did you get into trouble at school today?” 

Our bated breath alone tells kids we’re worried. They feel our doubts in their capabilities drooping heavily in the air. 

Without meaning to micromanage and undermine them, our questions have done exactly that.  

Instead, while staying involved in our kids’ progress, we can always assume they’ve had a great day. This assures them we have confidence in their actions. 

If they didn’t have a great day, you’ll know anyway, based on your communication and rapport with the school staff. Just encourage teachers to message you privately if there’s a problem. This prevents a child’s exposure to public, on-the-spot discussions that could further dissolve their self-confidence. 

Seek Professional Help if Necessary

Sometimes, despite all our best, combined efforts, misbehavior stubbornly persists.

If so, there may be underlying emotional or behavioral issues that deserve to be addressed.

Don’t let this discourage you! You can seek help from a child (developmental) psychologist, counselor, or therapist. Many have strategies and interventions that can be tailored to your child’s specific needs.

Final Thoughts

When children get into trouble at school, it doesn’t mean they’re “bad.” What they really need, as opposed to admonishment, is catered care and attention. 

Because positive parenting thrives on tactics that increase a child’s feelings of belonging and significance, it’s a great answer to misbehavior both at home and at school. I again encourage you and the school to work together to enact positive discipline practices.

Before long, I’m confident you’ll see a vast improvement in your student’s behavior and happiness. Because, when the idea of a “bad” kid dissipates, so does the number of their bad days.