With the most enthusiasm you can muster (to start 2025 off with a bang), you’ve purchased a new online gym membership and meal planning service. Or maybe you’ve decided THIS is going to be the year you finally get out of debt and finish the degree you started several years ago.
And while I’m cheering you on for those resolutions, and I want you to look back on 2025 as the year you finally followed through on your important intentions, might I suggest you add something different to your list this year?
A resolution that will impact your family for years to come. A resolution that will bring peace and joy into your home in ways you’ve never experienced. A resolution that will reconnect you with your children in a meaningful way.
This, sweet friends, is a resolution you can keep: Become the parent you’ve always wanted to be in 2025.
(Sign up for our FREE ONLINE PARENTING CLASS for a sneak peek of the 37 positive parenting tools that will help you along your new parenting journey.)
In order to make that resolution a reality, I want to share 6 practical things you can start doing today. This isn’t a resolution about doing MORE, but rather a resolution about doing BETTER–both better for you and better for your children.
You CAN become the parent you’ve always dreamed of being. Don’t let the gym memberships or new workout routines or financial goals be the only resolutions you make this year.
Resolve to be the best you can for the most important people in your life. Resolve to make these 6 changes today and I guarantee you’ll enter 2025 with undeniable confidence as a parent. Read More →
It’s the moment parents know all too well: the moment when the energy in your house totally shifts.
All was calm until you handed breakfast to your toddler on the ever-so-controversial blue plate. You know, the one he liked YESTERDAY. Somehow overnight, everything you thought you knew about your child was suddenly wrong – “I want my sandwich in triangles, not rectangles!” or “I want the green cup, not the red one!” or “I hate those socks!!”
What happened to my sweet child, you wonder.
As the energy in the house escalates, and it appears your child is willing to fall on his sword over every little request, you lose it. After all, his requests make no sense to an adult, and because they don’t make logical sense, your only response is rage – “STOP YELLING!” you scream.
“JUST EAT OFF THE BLUE PLATE!” you yell.
“IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT SHAPE YOUR SANDWICH IS IN!” you exclaim.
And then in a moment of clarity, it hits you – you yelled at your child to stop yelling. The phrase Do as I say, not as I do, has never held so much weight.
Oh, friend. I’ve been there and I know those feelings all too well.
As a former yeller, I remember going to bed hoarse and defeated many nights until I decided there MUST be a better way. After years of studying Positive Parenting and Adlerian Psychology, I created a toolbox of strategies that completely transformed my family. (Get a sneak peek with our FREE PARENTING CLASS!)
The list of techniques below will help you see misbehavior in a different light. There is a full Toolbox of strategies that go along with these techniques, but this list will give you a great start to begin seeing a remarkable difference in your home.
1. Get to the Root of the Behavior
Positive parenting experts worldwide can agree on this: there is always something motivating a child’s negative or disruptive behavior.
So thattantrum over the blue plate? It wasn’t a random display of poor judgment – it was motivated by something intrinsically in your child. Whether that was a lack of skills in managing his big feelings, a desire to get your attention, or a power play to assert his free will – there’s always a reason for the behavior. (Even if he doesn’t realize it – and most times he doesn’t!)
The thing to remember is the behavior itself is simply the symptom. Our challenge as parents is figuring out what’s really underneath that frustrating behavior.
It would make things MUCH easier if your child could simply say, “Mommy, I would really like some one-on-one attention with you when I have you all to myself. Is there a time we can do that this evening?” But we all know this is an absurd expectation. So instead, children push our buttons as a way to gain our attention, albeit negatively. Because the truth is, if a child doesn’t receive our attention in positive ways, (when they don’t have to beg for or demand it) they will find ways to get any attention they can, even if it’s negative.
Picture yourself as a detective. When a child begins to act out, ask yourself, “What is this child trying to accomplish through his actions?” If he had the verbal skills and emotional awareness, “What would he be trying to tell me with this behavior?”
Once you identify the root cause of the issue, you can become a more PROACTIVE parent andprevent the outbursts from happening in the first place.
For example, imagine you have to take an important call, but while you’re on the phone, your children decide it’s a great time to start a wrestling match. While still trying to sound engaged in the phone conversation, you give your kids the “if you don’t stop this right now I’m going to lose it when I’m done” look – but to no avail. You continue with the non-verbal shushing as you run from one room to the next searching for quiet, but the wrestling match seems to follow you. It’s exhausting. And by the end of the phone call, you feel like you just ran 5 miles.
The goal behind that wrestling match – that just happened to start the minute you got on the phone – was most likely intended to get your attention and push your buttons. They knew you were trapped on the phone and unable to intervene, so it became the perfect time to act up, getting your attention in negative ways. Use this as a learning experience and now PROACTIVELY PREPARE for the next time you need to take a call.
20 minutes before your phone call, say to your kiddos, “Hey guys, mommy has to get on the phone in 20 minutes. Before I do that, I would LOVE to play a game with you all!”
During those 20 minutes leading up to the call, give your children undivided attention. You can give them reminders leading up to the call like “Wow! I love playing games with you. Once mommy is finished with her call, I’d love to play again!”
When it comes time for the call, give your children a choice – “Mommy needs to get on her call now. Would you like to watch a show or play quietly with your legos while I’m on the phone?”
Also, give them a way to “tell you something” if something they view as urgent comes up while you’re on the call. Leave a pad of paper nearby so they can write or draw whatever they want to tell you as soon as your call is finished.
Chances are that if you fill their attention buckets ahead of time and lay out clear expectations, your children will be better behaved the next time you take a call.
Note:For Positive Parenting Solutions Members, learn how to use the Attention Overload Tool in Lesson #31 in Step 4 to fend off all sorts of power struggles.
2. Be Consistent
While parents intellectually understand the importance of consistency, the truth is, life happens – school is canceled, plans change, and last-minute additions are made to the calendar. While we can’t always control life happening, it’s best to maintain consistent routines, schedules, and expectations in your home the majority of the time.
How is your morning routine? If your children are expected to make their beds, brush their teeth, and get dressed before eating breakfast, then maintain this routine every day.
PRO TIP: Maintain the SAME schedule on weekends and holidays. That way, you won’t have to experience the backslide that comes on Monday morning!
Do you maintain firm technology “policies?”What happens if your kids don’t respect your family’s rules for technology? To be the positive parent you strive to be, it’s essential that technology rules are clearly communicated and that kids know the consequence if those rules are broken. If kids refuse or “forget” to turn off the video game when time is up, follow through each and every time with the previously discussed consequence. When parents are consistent with the rules and consequences, kids are much less likely to push the limits.
If you’re experiencing a lot of nagging and negotiating from your child because of inconsistency in the past, you can end it with 3 simple words, and get back on track.
Note:For Positive Parenting Solutions course members, refer to Step 3, Lessons 25 & 26 for everything you need to know about implementing effective consequences in your home. Also, review the Ultimate Survival Guide module included in your enrollment: The Technology Survival Plan.
3. Say No to Rewards
Parents who are unfamiliar with positive parenting techniques are often surprised when I discourage them from using rewards. After all, rewards sound positive, but the truth is they do more harm than good and can lead to a major dose of entitlement down the road.
Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. When making discipline decisions for your kids, it’s important to keep your long-term goals in mind. Rewards are ineffective because they only offer short-term gain.
Think about it..maybe today you rewarded your child with a cookie for behaving well in the grocery store, but what will she expect next time? At least one cookie, right? Maybe even two?Will a similar reward be expected during the next doctor’s office visit or trip to the mall?
Or perhaps you bribed your picky eater to eat their vegetables by offering ice cream for dessert? Now that he knows vegetables can be sold for the price of ice cream, it only makes sense he would hold out on eating his greens until he’s offered ice cream or another equally appealing sweet reward.
Using rewards as a bargaining chip for the desired behavior is a slippery slope to an attitude of entitlement.
Oh, my friends, this one is tough, especially in the heat of the moment. But, if you remember that there’s always a REASON for the behavior AND your children have free will, then you can begin to respond appropriately.
After all, there is a level of emotional freedom that is found when parents realize, “I can’t always control my kids, but I can control my responses.”
Sure, some parents might be able to scare their kids into behaving properly or threaten punishment to achieve a short-sighted goal, but at the end of the day – each child will grow into an adult who has full control over their life decisions.
So, instead of overpowering children, bribing, or shaming them into making good decisions, I encourage parents to reframe their perception of their children. Instead of thinking of him as a misbehaving child, view him as a little person who simply hasn’t been equipped with the right tools to behave appropriately in a given situation. By doing this, parents will be better prepared to handle the misbehaviors.
One way we can control our responses is to decide what we’re willing to do AHEAD OF TIME. This works great for getting kids to take on responsibilities they’re perfectly capable of or we nag them about, but they normally just don’t do – emptying backpacks or lunchboxes, putting laundry in the hamper, cleaning up toys, etc.
Let’s use lunchboxes as an example.
Start by deciding what you’re willing to do, and what age-appropriate responsibility needs to be on your kids’ shoulders.
In a calm moment, reveal in advance, “I’m happy to make you a lunch every morning for school, as long as your lunchbox has been emptied out, and it’s on the shelf in the pantry or on the counter. If the lunchboxes are clean and in their place, I’m happy to make your lunch. If it’s not cleaned out or not in its place, it’ll be up to you to make your own lunch.”
Then ask, “Is there anything you’d like to do to help yourself remember to unload your lunchbox and put it in the pantry?” (He might want to make a sign in pictures or words to remind himself since you will not be reminding him.)
And of course – make sure everyone has a clear understanding: “Just so we’re on the same page, can you repeat back to me your responsibility for lunchboxes and what I’ve decided I will do about making lunches?”
At this point, you’ve trained and empowered your child, you’ve revealed what could happen, and you’ve told your child what you are willing to do.
The next step is to follow through. This part will be hard – but please don’t remind them or nag them – otherwise, this becomes YOUR problem again. If the lunchbox is clean and on the shelf – great, you’ll make the lunch. If not, it will make a wonderful learning opportunity next time.
When you can proactively PREPARE your responses to potentially sticky situations and clearly COMMUNICATE your expectations beforehand, you’ll find yourself having to react to situations in the heat of the moment less frequently.
5. Discipline, Don’t Punish
One of the biggest differentiators between positive parenting techniques and other parenting methods is the focus on discipline over punishment.
Discipline means “to train by instruction and exercise,” while punish means “to inflict a penalty for (an offense, fault, etc.)” or “to handle severely or roughly.”
By teaching our children the appropriate ways to behave without using blame, shame, and pain forms of punishment, we equip and empower them to be competent and capable young adults.
When you are considering a response to an offense – just like with rewards – think long-term.
In both examples, I’d argue the answer is “no.” Sure, time-out and spanking may seem effective in the short term, but if kids aren’t taught (a.k.a. disciplined) how to behave appropriately, parents inadvertently put a band-aid on a long-term problem.
I’ll teach you how to get your kids to listen without nagging, reminding, or yelling. With a little hard work and consistency, you can start seeing changes today!
Remember when the holidays were truly the most wonderful time of the year? When lights sparkled brighter, pageants felt magical, and family time filled us with pure joy?
But somewhere between the crowded department stores and the endless hours spent in the kitchen baking, you’ve lost it…your holiday spirit.
Now — though you barely want to admit it — the holidays feel more overwhelming than joyful.. In fact, you’re trying your best just to get through them this year.
Still, you long for the days when this season was something to be enjoyed. When you spent hours blasting Christmas carols around the house and the sight of twinkling lights put a smile on your face and a spring in your step.
So what can you do?
If the holidays have you feeling less Ho, Ho, Ho and more Bah Humbug, no need to worry! Here are 6 ways to put the HAPPY back in your holidays this season.
1. Keep Core Routines Rolling
It’s happening once again. Grandma and Grandpa have been here for only two hours, and your children are already bouncing off the walls, loaded up with cookies and candy.
“It’s the holidays,” you tell yourself. “It’s okay for them to be a bit spoiled.”
You put on a smile and try your best to enjoy their company, but bedtime is fast approaching, and you know the kids won’t go down easy tonight.
“Alright, kids, say goodnight to Grandma and Grandpa.”
As you expected, you’re met with protest.
“Ahh, come on,” Grandma says. “Can’t they stay up one extra hour? We’ve missed them so much.”
You’re stuck. You want so badly to say yes–not to be the wet blanket–but you know better than anyone how much your children need their sleep.
As hard as it may be, stick to your regular lights-out routine. Why? Because having cranky kids is never fun. But cranky kids and cranky parents? Now that’s a recipe for holiday disaster.
In truth, letting routines slip away triggers holiday burnout fast.
Yes, you want your kids to enjoy their break, but when the structure disappears, you can guarantee chaos and crankiness will take over.
To keep things simple, let’s set the expectation in advance that your family is going to stick to three core routines:
Bedtime
Technology Time (how much technology time and when they can have it)
Family Chores.
That way, you’ll ensure everyone stays reasonably well-rested, your kids won’t spend the entirety of their break on their devices, and they’ll continue their essential work in the family unit while they’re still having fun.
I know how difficult it can be to maintain a normal schedule with holiday gatherings and obligations, which are also pressing for your attention. But trust me, sticking to your regular schedule will ensure a smoother, less chaotic holiday season.
2. Manage Expectations for Giving and Getting
Now, with more action-packed gadgets than ever before! This Christmas won’t be complete without…
The holiday advertising seems endless. You hear the commercial drifting in from the other room — another must-have toy being marketed to your kids. And with each advertisement – on TV, radio, and online – their wish lists grow longer and longer.
You want to give your kids a Christmas they’ll remember–what parent doesn’t? But you don’t want it to come at the risk of entitlement. The fact of the matter is pretty simple. They are not getting everything they want this year.
But how do you break the news without ruining his Christmas? Or even worse, without inviting a huge temper tantrum?
This is the time to have a serious talk about holiday expectations. Whether you have a family meeting or start a discussion in the car on a holiday road trip, talk openly with your kids about their wish lists and set limits you all can live with.
Managing expectations ahead of time will help make sure your son doesn’t feel let down on Christmas morning.
Adhere to the four-gift rule to simplify the gifting process: give your child something theywant, something they need, something they wear, and something they need. You don’t need to get everything on their wish list. A few meaningful gifts make a far better statement than many gifts with little value.
And let’s get kids just as excited about giving as getting!
This is a great time to have them write a GIVING list that is at least as long as their wish list. What gifts do they plan on giving to friends and family? What gifts can they make themselves instead of buying? Can they give gifts of time? (Think babysitting or a weekly Facetime chat with Grandma!)
As adults, we know it’s better to give than to receive. What better way to drive that lesson home than having your kid write out all the ways he intends to give to others this holiday season?
When kids get excited about giving rather than just getting, they start to understand what the season is truly about!
3. Give the Gift They’ll Remember Forever: YOUR Time!
Whether your kids dream of the latest Barbie dream house or this year’s latest gaming system, one thing’s for sure: the glitz and glam of the hottest toys of the season are always hard for parents to top.
But there is one gift that will surpass all others, no matter what. The gift of YOU!
If you’ve followed me for a while, you know my secret weapon for better behavior and happier kids is MIND, BODY AND SOUL TIME® connection. And here’s a perfect ≠way to wrap up that magic as a gift: create Memory Coupons for one-on-one experiences with you.
Think movie dates, an ice cream outing, or even a mani-pedi day. These special tickets aren’t just presents – they’re promises of the precious connection your kids crave most — and they put the emphasis on time together over “things.”
Whatever activities you choose for your gift of time, be sure your undivided time and attention are the #1 priority.
The beauty of giving your time as a holiday gift is that it is inexpensive, thoughtful, and incredibly fun! What could be better?
Helpful tip: These also make great gifts for siblings and grandparents.
4. Get All Holiday Hands on Deck
Every year, you swear things will be different. Then crunch time hits, and you are down to the wire when you notice something. You are doing absolutely everything. The present shopping, the cookie baking, the card writing–it’s all fallen squarely on your shoulders, just as it does every year.
No wonder the holidays are so stressful.
This year, let’s make the holiday prep an all-in experience–because here’s a newsflash:
It’s not mom and dad’s job to create the perfect holiday for our kids.
We dream of creating a picture-perfect holiday, but we run ourselves ragged trying to make that happen.
Just because you can do everything doesn’t mean you should. Instead, make it a point to share the work with the rest of your family.
So call a family meeting and list everything that has to be done weekly (because, trust me – your kids have no clue all that goes into it!) Then, have everyone sign up for a few jobs. Even if it’s just addressing holiday cards or sealing the envelopes, that’s a job you don’t have to do.
And for my fellow Type-A parents, this is the time to let go of the need to control things. Yes, you could do it better and faster and make it holiday-perfect, but it’s more important that your kids have skin in the game with the success of the holiday.
Not only will they see all the effort that goes into making the holiday happen, but they’ll love the feeling of teamwork in creating something special together.
As you discover new ways to work together to make the holiday happen, you’ll create long-lasting, happy holiday memories your kids will treasure for years to come.
5. Dare to Take Short Cuts
You see it every time you hop online–the holiday-themed appetizers, beautifully plated meals, presents wrapped to perfection, and family Christmas portraits with every person donning matching plaid pajamas.
Yes, it’s hard to get into the holiday spirit when you’re surrounded by nothing but Insta-worthy perfection.
The thing is, that isn’t what the holidays are about. In fact, it isn’t even real.
The season is about the spirit and the people you love. So give yourself the gift of grace and stop chasing holiday perfection. You can absolutely make this year the year of shortcuts!
Bake a cake from a box, buy store-bought cookies, and wrap a present in a bag–or, better yet, have them wrap it at the store!
Remember … every shortcut you take buys you precious time to spend with your kids or even a few minutes for yourself. (How great would that be?
The holidays are not about how everything looks but how it feels to be surrounded by those you love. So, should you find your light being dimmed by the thought of trying to create a picture-perfect holiday, do yourself a favor. Put the camera away and take all the shortcuts you want!
6. Create Holiday Magic By Serving Others
Want to know a surefire way to bring some joy back to your holiday season? Give!
Give of your time. Give of your talents. Perhaps even give of your money. But most importantly, give as a family.
Focus away from the commercialization of the season and shine the spotlight on service. Focusing on what we can do as a family to help others helps us keep the hustle and bustle of the season in perspective.
Serving others in need shouldn’t feel like just one more thing to check off your holiday to-do list because the reward is so much greater than the effort it takes to do so.
Curious about where to start?
Give of Your Time
Start by calling your local places of worship and shelters and asking where they need help most. Do they need help serving meals at the soup kitchen or wrapping presents for children in need?
Whatever the occasion, pick a day when your whole family is available and go serve together. This will not only provide an excellent chance for you to spend time with your family but serving those less fortunate will also help give your children a healthy appreciation for what they already have.
Give of Your Talents
Do you consider yourself talented in the kitchen? Is your partner handy with a hammer and nails? The holiday season is the perfect time to put your talents to good use.
Maybe your church needs a handyman to help build the Christmas pageant set, or perhaps your local soup kitchen needs an experienced cook to prepare a tasty holiday meal. Whatever the case, finding ways to use your talents to serve is a wonderful way to give back this season.
Give of Your Money
Time can be a precious commodity–especially during the holidays. If you’re looking for a way to serve that fits into your busy schedule, consider giving a monetary gift this season.
You can always give spare change to the bell ringers on your way into the grocery store, or write a check to your favorite charity. But now is your chance to get a little creative and think outside of the box!
Try contacting the guidance counselor at your child’s school and see if there is a student in need. Maybe they are without a winter coat or have some overdue lunch fines they can’t manage.
If you have the means to give a little extra, this is certainly a great way to serve. It’s also a wonderful opportunity to get your children involved, especially if they have an allowance and want to make a meaningful donation of their own.
Squeeze in Little Acts of Kindness
Research shows that serving others makes people happier, but finding time to take the family to volunteer together can easily add to holiday overwhelm.
But serving others doesn’t have to be a day-long event. Even if you only have 15 minutes, try squeezing in little acts of kindness that could make a significant difference in someone’s day.
Activities like making cards for military service members, donating items to a local charity, paying it forward at the drive-thru or assembling care packages for delivery drivers are simple ways to make big impacts.
These tiny acts of kindness take no time at all, but they’ll help you keep the holiday hustle in perspective and add more joy and meaning to your celebrations.
Final Thoughts
We’ve all been there–someone wishes us a “happy holiday,” and we respond with a forced smile and simple, “You too.”
Believe me, I understand how easy it can be to get bogged down in holiday to-do lists. But this time is meant to be enjoyed and treasured, not dreaded.
If happiness has been seriously lacking in your holidays, take heart! Trying out any of these 6 tips for holiday happiness will surely make you feel merry and bright in no time.
From our family to yours, we wish you the HAPPIEST holiday season.
Grandchildren are nature’s reward for surviving your own children.
If you’ve ever heard that old saying, there’s a good chance it gave you a knowing chuckle.
Maybe you are a grandparent and understand just how true this is. Or perhaps you’re parenting your own kids, desperately grasping the hope that one day it will all be worth it!
Whether you’re a grandparent yourself or still in the thick of parenting, we can all agree that actively involved grandparents serve a unique role in families. In fact, research shows that 9 out of 10 adults believe their grandparents influenced their values and behaviors.
However, a growing trend threatens to undermine the special role of grandparents – disagreements over parenting styles and choices.
Roughly 42% of parents admit to limiting the time their children spend with their grandparents when the grandparents don’t follow their preferred parenting approach.
So what’s really at the heart of these family tensions? Is it just a matter of grandparents sneaking an extra cookie to the kids, or is there something deeper causing these generational rifts?
Let’s examine what’s really driving these tensions and how families can bridge the divide without compromising their core values.
Most Common Issues Behind Family Tension
Today’s parents are the most informed parents in history. In this digital age, access to parenting information is more convenient than ever, with resources like parenting blogs, podcasts, online courses, and other online forums a few swift clicks of a keypad away.
As a result, modern parents are seeking guidance online rather than turning to more traditional sources like their own parents — which can lead the grandparents to feel that their advice and experience aren’t valued.
Most families agree that it’s a natural rite of passage for grandparents to spoil their grandkids to some extent — maybe a little extra screen time, staying up past bedtime, more relaxed house rules, and extra sweets before dinner.
But what happens when screen time limits get pushed to allow PG-13 when only PG movies are permitted?
When staying up 30 minutes past their bedtime turns into three hours?
When lax discipline turns to no discipline at all?
When a birthday gift becomes a mountain of toys despite parents’ requests to scale back?
Or when offering extra sweets before dinner turns into disregarding food allergies?
Unfortunately, the line between loving indulgence and undermining parental authority is deeply nuanced and varies from family to family, When grandparents and parents clash over these boundaries, it strains not just their own relationship, but the entire family dynamic–affecting everything from weekly visits to holiday celebrations.
The question is, why?
(Even Snoop Dogg weighed in on this!)
Generational Differences in Parenting Styles
Every generation has its own unique parenting style — shaped by their own experiences and the world around them.
While the Greatest Generation weathered tough times, passing on a “survive and prosper” attitude to their children, Baby Boomers approached parenting with a stronger desire to give their children a good life, especially when it came to attending college.
Generation X parents were among the first to abandon authoritarian discipline, widely embracing parenting experts and child development research. Meanwhile, Millennials continued to be the generation to fully embrace a more positive parenting approach.
These generational shifts have reshaped not just parenting philosophies but also core beliefs about childhood. While each generation has aimed to improve upon its own upbringing, the changes have created unexpected tension.
When today’s parents choose different approaches than their parents used, grandparents often view this as a criticism of their efforts — as if their years of loving sacrifice and careful choices are being dismissed as outdated or inadequate.
What feels like a personal parenting choice to one generation can feel like a painful rejection to another, leading to that all-too-familiar refrain:
“I know what I’m doing. I raised you, and you turned out alright, didn’t you?”
While that may be true, we know that as time marches on, we learn, grow, and do better.
Today’s parents aren’t rejecting their parent’s approaches because they were wrong or bad parents (not even a little!) — they are building on their foundation with new strategies and research-based information on child development and emotional well-being to help guide their parenting decisions.
In essence, with new information comes new approaches.
Now that we know the generational roots behind these parent-grandparent clashes, let’s examine the common conflicts we see in families and explore how families can chart a path forward together while honoring both wisdom and progress.
Grandparents and the Right to Spoil
Have grandparents earned the right to spoil their grandchildren?
The answer is YES … after logging countless parenting hours, grandparents certainly deserve some latitude in their new role.
But…we have to flip the script on what spoiling is and is not.
Let’s start with what spoiling is NOT.
Spoiling is not disregarding the rules and routines that parents have in place, and instead:
Letting kids stay up way too late
Allowing food they shouldn’t eat (or ignoring food allergies altogether)
Ignoring technology limits (too much tech time or no supervision over the sites they are accessing)
Lavishing them with gifts when the parents have specifically asked you not to.
These indulgences don’t strengthen the special bond between grandparents and grandchildren–instead, they breed entitlement and undermine parents’ authority.
When kids learn that rules don’t apply at Grandma’s house, they question those boundaries everywhere. This not only makes parenting harder but also confuses children about expectations and values and erodes the trust between parents and grandparents.
Message to grandparents: You don’t have to break the rules to be the hero in your grandkids’ eyes.
Now, let’s discuss what spoiling SHOULD BE!
“Spoiling” should be about time with you and making memories!
Your grandchildren want nothing more than your undivided time and attention. In the crazy pace of family life today, what a gift to be the center of another adult’s attention!
Spending time together — playing games, having adventures — is the best way to spoil a grandchild. (Bonus points if you do something fun the parents don’t have time to do themselves.)
Plus, this is a mutually beneficial relationship because you are helping the parents at the same time!
Grandparents and grandkids benefit from fostering strong emotional bonds that boost their physical and mental well-being. And parents gain invaluable allies in the journey of raising children.
This kind of support — enriching their grandchildren’s lives while respecting boundaries — doesn’t just strengthen family connections; it helps parents shoulder the daily challenges of parenthood.
So, do grandparents have the right to spoil?
Absolutely–but the magic lies in how they do it. When quality time and cherished memories become the ultimate indulgence, everybody wins.
Unsolicited Advice and Sharing Wisdom (Without Overstepping)
Grandparents have so much to offer–including both love and wisdom.
But even the most valuable advice needs the right moment. Before sharing their insights, grandparents must show they’re firmly on the same team as their adult children. And above all else, collaboration–not confrontation–should be at the heart of every conversation.
So how can grandparents do that?
Follow the parents’ lead! Read the same books, take the same parenting courses, and follow the same methodologies. Ask about their preferences for gifts and special treats. Show an interest in their parenting style by attending pediatrician appointments, school PTO meetings, etc., Actions speak louder than words, and these intentional steps indicate that collaboration is at the heart of the relationship.
When parents feel supported and that grandparents are on their team, they will be much more receptive to suggestions.
And when it’s time to actually share advice, grandparents should lead with empathy and curiosity rather than simply telling them what to do.
I remember how hard those long nights were when you were little. What does current research say about sleep training?
Then, they can follow it up with an offer of support rather than just solutions.
I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time potty training. Is there anything I can do to help?
Parents genuinely appreciate guidance from their own parents, but how that advice is delivered is crucial. Advice tinged with judgment will instantly close down communication and eliminate any willingness to listen or collaborate.
In the end, when grandparents work to understand new ideas, parents work to keep those lines of communication open and flowing.
Finding the Balance: Seasonal Grandparents vs. Year-Round Grandparents
You may wonder… are these hard and fast rules for all grandparents? What about thosewho don’t get to visit very often?
The dynamics of grandparenting often differ between “Seasonal Grandparents” and “Year-Round Grandparents.” In other words, grandparents who visit occasionally and those who are more actively involved all year.
When visits are infrequent, long-distance grandparents can prioritize joy and connection with their grandkids as long as they adhere to critical routines and the parents’ non-negotiable rules.
With so little time to spend together, time with seasonal grandparents can be jam-packed with fun. If Grandma wants to take them on a trip to the ice cream parlor for breakfast or Grandpa and grandkids enjoy a lucrative stroll through the toy aisle at Target, no harm is done. But lots of joy and memories are being made.
But, for grandparents who are regularly present in a child’s life, staying aligned with the parents’ regular routines and parenting approaches is essential.
Following the parents’ established routines isn’t just about rules–it’s about creating a stable, predictable environment for the children. Diverging from established rules undermines parents and teaches kids that rules aren’t really rules.
And for grandparents who regularly babysit? One thing is for sure: no other caregiver will love your kids as much as a grandparent! But the rules still need to be followed.
If grandparents resist this, parents can gently remind them of the WHY behind their parenting choices, emphasizing the non-negotiables (like health and safety concerns).
However, if grandparents consistently disregard these essential boundaries, parents may need to consider alternative childcare arrangements. This is a difficult decision (and one that will cause emotional distress), but the children’s health and well-being must be the priority over convenience.
Psst! Year-Round Grandparents! Want also to enjoy the same magical memory-making Seasonal Grandparents do? Consider treating your grandkids to a Yes Day!
Final Thoughts
Grandparents can be a parent’s best resource along the journey of parenthood.
But one thing is sure: when unity and respect exist in the grandparent-parent-grandchild dynamic, all parties win!
Grandparents should have some leeway without feeling like they’re being micromanaged.
Parents should feel as though their boundaries are being respected.
Children should feel loved all around!
The family bond thrives when everyone feels valued, heard, and supported!
If it’s happened once, it’s happened a hundred times…
As usual, you’ve spent the entire morning in a chaotic rush, struggling to get your kids out the door on time. Amid frustrated shouts, empty threats, and maybe even a few tears, you make it to the school drop-off line by the skin of your teeth.
As you catch your breath, you ask yourself the same recurring question: “Why does every morning feel like a battle against the clock?”
Believe me, you’re not alone! In all my years as a parenting educator, I’ve met countless exasperated parents seeking the secret to teaching their kids time management.
The truth is, managing time wisely is tough–even for adults! So it’s no surprise that our kids find it challenging, too. But if you feel like you’re stuck in a losing battle, think again–hope is not lost.
All you need is a little guidance in the right direction.
So, if you’re ready to make daily routines smoother and prepare your child for success, keep reading. I’m about to share the best strategies for teaching your kids one of life’s most essential skills–time management!
The Life-Changing Benefits of Time Management Skills for Kids
At its core, teaching time management involves helping your kids navigate and organize their daily schedules efficiently. It’s a crucial skill that kids need to learn because they won’t always have you there to manage it for them–nor should they!
When you teach your kids the importance of productivity, prioritization, and decision-making, you’re equipping them with essential life skills that will lead to a strong sense of accomplishment and independence. Not only is this an incredible mental health booster, but it can also reduce stress (especially for teens) and give them a much-needed sense of agency over their lives.
But at what age should you start teaching these skills to your kids? And how can you make an even more significant impact throughout the years?
Let’s dive in to find out!
For Littles: Learning Daily Time Management
It’s never too late to teach your child time management skills, but the sooner you begin, the better. You can start laying the groundwork for good time management habits with children as young as preschoolers.
The trick is to start with the essential daily tasks.
Create Daily Routines
To start, consider your child’s most basic daily schedules (like morning and bedtime) and create a specific routine for each one. Using a “When-Then” format can help establish these routines, ensuring they fit perfectly into a scheduled time slot.
Imagine your four-year-old frequently gets distracted before bedtime. Every night turns into a struggle, with you constantly reminding him to get ready for bed while also facing resistance when it’s time to turn off the lights.
To help you establish a good bedtime routine, use a “When-Then” format.
When your pajamas are on, your teeth are brushed, and clothes are picked out for the morning, then whatever time is left is for reading and snuggling.
This simple phrasing lets him know that in order to get to the fun stuff (reading and snuggles), he must first do the essentials (pajamas, teeth brushing, and picking out clothes).
This approach can also be applied to your child’s morning routine. For example, if your six-year-old daughter tends to dawdle while getting ready for school, it can lead to a lot of stress, frustration, and sometimes even tears from both of you as you hurry out the door.
That’s when you embrace the power of “When-Then!”
When you’ve eaten your breakfast, brushed your teeth, and made your bed, then we can use our remaining time before school to have a fun morning dance party!
She’ll be happy to have some special, fun time with you before school, you’ll be relieved not to remind her to hurry up constantly, and you’ll both enjoy a calm, unhurried car ride to school for a change.
Make Time Visible
Time is an abstract concept, making it hard for little minds to comprehend fully. You might tell your three-year-old that there are only five minutes left before leaving for preschool, but she doesn’t understand what that means.
For little kids to understand time, they have to see it! This is why utilizing tools like a visual timer instead of a countdown is essential.
When kids can see time, they can manage it!
Now comes the magic part–combining both strategies!
By establishing daily routines with a “When-Then” format and pairing them with the use of a visual timer, you create the ideal formula for successful time management.
Will your child finish their “must-dos” with enough visible time left for fun, or will they drag their feet and realize how much time they wasted? Either way, they’ll learn a valuable lesson, and you’ll all be on the path to better, more efficient time management in the future.
For Bigs: Add in Weekly Planning
As your kids transition from littles to bigs–typically around the upper elementary school age–it’s time to increase their responsibility for managing time. Once they’ve mastered handling their daily calendars, you can incorporate weekly planning into their time management routine.
One of the best ways to start is by purchasing them a brand-new planner. (Bonus points if you let them pick it out!)
Buy Them a Planner
There’s something about opening a fresh new planner that ignites the motivation to organize your time more effectively. It’s a fantastic tool for adults, and older kids can also benefit from using a physical planner.
This doesn’t have to be expensive or complicated. A simple planner where they can write in all their week’s activities will work perfectly.
To start training them on weekly time management, encourage them to write down both their daily and weekly tasks. This can include their family contributions, school work, extracurriculars, and more. When they can visually see everything on their agenda, it’s easier for them to grasp how to manage it.
Turn Time Management into a Lifelong Habit
If you want a new skill to stick, you must make it a habit. And, like any new habit, effective time management will take some time to become second nature–for you and your kids.
Of course, some habits take longer than others to develop, so stay patient and keep encouraging each other while staying focused on the end goal. To keep up the momentum, here are a few ways you can help foster the time management habit in your child.
Display Your Daily Routines
Visual reminders are a powerful way to reinforce time management skills, especially with daily routines. You can tailor your approach depending on your child’s age.
For young children who can’t read yet, use pictures to represent the routine they need to follow. Do you want your child to make their bed each morning? Brush their teeth? Use images to remind your pre-reader what needs to be done each morning and in what order.
For older kids, simply write the routine down in a place they are sure to look at it. Perhaps on the refrigerator as they make their morning breakfast or above the shoe bin on their way out the door?
Schedule Weekly Check-Ins
Set aside time each week to check in with your child on how they’re managing their schedule and routines. Treat this time as a non-negotiable appointment that keeps you both accountable and connected.
You may be thinking, Sure, Amy, easy for you to say. But that’s just one more thing to add to my already busy schedule.
Don’t worry–this check-in doesn’t have to take much time.
Maybe it’s a small chunk of time tacked onto your Family Meeting, a bedtime conversation during nightly tuck-ins, or an on-the-go car meeting every Monday. It may sound like this:
Hey bud, I know the science project is worth 30% of your grade. How long do you have scheduled to get everything done?
Or…
You have a few more Family Contributions to cover now that you’re thirteen. How long do you think the extra work will take you? Want to pencil that into your planner?
By keeping the tone supportive rather than nagging, these brief check-ins reassure your child that you’re there if they need you. This approach can ease their anxiety and overwhelm while still allowing them a sense of agency and control over their own lives.
Remember, turning this into a lasting habit is essential, so choose a time that feels manageable and enjoyable for you both!
(Lovingly) Let Them Fail
Once your child is competent in weekly planning, it’s time to step back and let them take charge.
Now, the ball is in their court! If they don’t take the proper time to plan or follow the plan, they’ll experience a natural consequence— and gain a valuable lesson for next time. Of course, this isn’t the time to piggyback with an I-told-you-so moment, but instead, kindly help to learn from their failure to manage their time properly.
Letting them stumble now–under your loving guidance–is far better than down the road when the stakes are much higher.
Cater Time Management to Different Learning Styles
It’s no secret that every child learns differently, so it’s important to customize your approach to teaching time management based on what suits them best. After all, we adults sometimes need help remembering things, so why wouldn’t our kids?
Consider how your child learns best. Are they a visual learner who benefits from seeing a daily checklist or written plan? Or are they an auditory learner who excels by using alarms or Alexa to manage their time effectively?
No matter the style of learner your child is, rest assured there are plenty of tools and resources they can use to make managing their time a breeze.
Final Thoughts:
Above all, remember that time management is a skill to be learned, and your role as a parent is to partner with your child in developing it. Help them establish solid routines, prioritize the must-dos over the want-to-dos, and show them how to break big, daunting tasks into manageable steps.
With effort from both of you, what may feel impossible at first will soon become a well-formed habit.
Election year is here, and from now until November, politics will infiltrate everything from yard signs and commercials to TikToks and Instagram posts.
As adults, we may be prepared for the onslaught of electrically charged insults and accusations from both sides–or, at the very least, we’re used to it.
But we can’t expect our kids to be oblivious to the media blitz. Or, unaffected by it.
So, when the country is awash with opposing views, how do we talk to our children about politics and set an example of civility–especially when politicians themselves are often the ones acting like kids?
Read on for answers to commonly asked questions and some helpful DOs and DON’Ts…
How Much Do We Share or Shield Our Kids From in Politics?
Politics, in its most general sense, is a safe subject to discuss with kids. Imparting the importance of voting for what we believe in is essential for a healthy democracy.
But what is too much? Where do we draw the line between what our kids should and shouldn’t be politically exposed to?
To protect kids from confusion and angst surrounding politics, it’s important to follow a few communication ground rules with them.
1. No Name-Calling or Demonizing the Other Side
The goal is to teach our kids to have a healthy “tolerance for disagreement”–that is, the ability to engage with people who have a different opinion or worldview from their own without becoming defensive or angry. Adopting this attitude of acceptance will guide them through conflict and disagreements the rest of their lives.
But with politics so polarizing, it’s commonplace to call the other side “crazy” or “extreme.” But the reality is complicated. And because most kids have family members with different political views, they need to understand that both sides deserve equal consideration and respect.
Not only is demonizing the other side disrespectful, but it can create stress and even fear in children. They may experience anxiety when parents use hyperboles or ultra-negative expressions about what will happen if an opposing candidate wins, for instance. (i.e. “There’s no hope for America if that happens!” or “I’ll move to a different country ifthey win the election!“)
Name-calling and disparaging the other side also teaches kids that it’s okay to judge and criticize others–as opposed to listening and considering alternative views.
2. Don’t Say Anything You Wouldn’t Want Repeated to the Teacher
Remember that kids are like parrots and they will likely repeat what you say! If your comments about politicians or hot-button issues would be inappropriate for your child to repeat to the principal or your neighbor, your language is likely too incendiary to use in their presence.
While it’s normal to harbor strong political feelings, our kids need to know that no politician is 100% “right” or 100% “wrong.” And again, extreme language helps fuel the idea that one side is to be villainized.
Regardless of our points of view, if we reinforce the importance of intellectual curiosity and keeping an open mind, our kids will understand that garnering facts and evidence is the best way to make informed decisions.
3. Open Your Mind to Their Open Mind
Analysis tells us that your worldview will likely become your child’s worldview. Pew Research surveyed teens and their families, and in the vast majority of cases, the teens classified themselves as belonging to the same political party as their parents.
It makes sense that young people look to their parents for anchoring in their values, and it’s also natural to hope your child will adopt the same political beliefs you hold dear.
But, it’s equally important to allow kids room to form their own conclusions. Their convictions, if individually vetted, will be more sincere and strengthen their independence.
If your child does land on opposing beliefs, you can applaud yourself for raising a child confident enough to make their own choices. (And, if you’ve been encouraging self-made decisions, you know they haven’t reached their opposing conclusions out of rebellion or spite!)
Talking About Politics–Every Age and Stage
Elementary-Aged Kids
Five to twelve is the perfect age range to talk to kids about the basics of voting and democracy. Their school curriculum is likely already covering the different branches of government and, of course, famous American presidents.
At this age, your kids probably don’t understand detailed policy issues, so it’s a good time to keep explanations simple. It’s also a great opportunity to point out the character traits you admire in candidates. Phrases like “she’s a good leader” or “he’s good at bringing people together” teach kids that certain traits are more ideal than others.
The most important message to convey at this time, however, is that it’s perfectly fine for people to support different candidates–in fact, it’s an essential part of what makes our country so strong! Keep in mind that misinformation can run high on the school yard, so ask if your child has heard anything about politics or political issues. Then, turn to news sources designed for kids, like Time for Kids, Scholastic Kids Press Corps, and Nightly News Kids Edition with Lester Holt, to break down the issues in age-appropriate terms (while avoiding issues you may not want them exposed to quite yet.)
Middle School
Around early adolescence, kids are generally mature enough to start watching debates with you and research candidates’ views via credible news sources.
Around this time, politics may become a topic of conversation among your child’s peers. If those conversations become heated, it’s helpful to arm your child with a “comeback line” they can use to defuse tension–something like, “It’s cool if we don’t always like the same thing–life would be boring if we didn’t have choices.“ It’s the same type of language that would shut down a bullying taunt, because it refuses to engage.
It’s also important to teach kids that they don’t have to engage in political debates if they don’t want to. Political opinions are something they have a right to keep private if they choose. After all, isn’t that why we vote privately in a voting booth?
High School
By the time kids enter high school, they’re getting closer to voting age. Now is the time to keep them engaged in the entirety of the election process. Encourage them to watch debates, monitor polls, and follow candidates from both parties on trusted sources. (Remind them that social mediaisn’t always a reliable source of news, and to be careful what they share.)
Most crucially, though, is to empower your kids to think outside party lines and research the issues that matter most to them. It could be the environment, a strong economy, or school safety…but the more passionate they are about the issues, the easier it will be to get them involved and to objectively scrutinize the information surrounding those issues.
When Parents Are On Different Sides of the Political Aisle
If you and your partner have different political opinions, you are not alone! The great thing for your kids to see is that despite your different political views, you are choosing to be in a relationship with one another. It further affirms the fact that you can love anyone from the other side of the political spectrum. Your marriage/relationship alone proves this point and exemplifies a healthy tolerance for disagreement.
If you are divorced from your child’s other parent, it’s once again important not to demonize any difference in opinion. Respect for, or at least impartiality to their contrasting opinions, is key.
Above all, we don’t want kids to feel pressure to choose a side. Instead, we want to give kids permission to make up their own minds by encouraging them to learn everything they can about the political platforms.
There’s a reason the voting age is 18 and not 13, right? Kids don’t have to have it all figured out just yet. Focus on the education process, the power of an informed democracy, and helping them engage in an age-appropriate way.
YIKES!! When Kids Ask About Political Issues That You Aren’t Comfortable Talking About
Research shows that kids as young as five usually know about current events; but they get a fair amount of the information wrong. In addition, most kids ages 11-12 have a smartphone, so they’re most likely accessing the internet outside your home.
When your child raises a topic that makes you squirm…it’s important to first
find out what your child already knows about that issue. Ask open-ended questions like “What have you heard about this topic” or “Do you know what that word means?”
Be as factual as possible and keep things age-appropriate. This may mean leaving out certain unnecessary details while maintaining transparency.
Remember, even though it’s uncomfortable, it’s best that kids learn about issues from you so you can convey accurate information in-line with your family values. The longer we wait to have these conversations, the likelier they’ll hear about politics in a convoluted, misinformed way.
When Politicians Verbally Attack Each Other (and Blatantly Lie)
Sometimes, it can be downright difficult to find characteristics in politicians we admire.
We wouldn’t want our kids behaving on the playground the way many candidates typically do: demeaning each other, interrupting, name-calling.
This goes back to the fact the politicians are never 100% wrong or right. They are imperfect humans.
These are scenarios we can use to prompt thoughtful questions, like, “How do you feel watching that? How would you feel if you were on the receiving end of that? Does that make you feel differently about this candidate?“
These questions encourage kids to, once again, think for themselves rather than rely on our responses to determine their own beliefs.
We can also reiterate that actions have consequences–sometimes when candidates behave badly, it affects the way people perceive them and can ultimately affect the outcome of the election. (It seems that even the worst modeling by adults can provide helpful teaching moments!)
We can also help kids understand they don’t have to take everything they hear at face value. This can be a hard concept, especially when younger kids take everything literally.
Most news sites offer a fact-checking analysis after the debates. If you and your kids are skeptical about something, guide them through gathering research from multiple reputable sites so they can determine what is fact versus spin.
Final Thoughts
There is a lot of political noise out there. But siphoning it down to something intelligible–and informative–for our kiddos is far from an impossible task.
There isn’t a golden script that works for every family, but if you’re balancing accurate information with your family’s values (through open, age-appropriate political discussions), you’re providing ethical guidance without mandating what your kids should believe. It’s a winning combo.
As loving parents, all we can really do is give our kids the confidence and competence to carry our country forward.
In the end, we must remember this is a democracy. Our kids can pick any side. Or no side at all. Or invent a new political party! It’s their choice.
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Keep in mind that misinformation can run high on the school yard, so ask if your child has heard anything about politics or political issues. Then, turn to news sources designed for kids, like 
